thoughts:

7/31/00 I spent the weekend with my mom. Many of you know how much I was dreading it and well ok, dread was a bit or an overreaction. I had a fine time. Though the whole weekend did culminate in a nasty migraine. I will spare you my standard chicken/egg type argument here as well as any thoughts I have on exactly what triggered this particular headache. Suffice to say, my brain's timing is really... clever. Some fun things I learned this weekend: - despite recent vandalism, my favorite grave stone in my childhood cemetery* is still standing. Its this tiny little old/weather worn white stone with a lamb and the the name "marcie". So precious. - shopping for underwear does not necessary do good things for ones self esteem. - nature rules! - for my family dog, there is no end to the joy... or the love. - there are some wines that do NOT go with brie. - my parents named me "melissa" beacuse of my mom's love for her bee hive. (fyi, the name melissa means honey bee) - maintaining my parent's gardens is a full time job. This is a place where a certain amount of care and attention must be extended in order to keep that rare hybrid of something-or-another alive and well. Their dedication downright impressive if not insane. - I can do round-offs but not cartwheels. * The first bouquet of flowers I ever picked for my mom was from atop the graves in this cemetery. Though she was touched, Mom made it a point that I was never EVER do that again.

7/26/00 Recently there has been a lot of talk of high school superlatives. Today JoshC offhandedly volunteered the information that he was voted "most likely to start a cult" which for better or worse is probably very likely. Goose was voted "most likely to change the world" which for better or worse is also probably very likely (think Tesla and remeber the name Wohlt). I was "voted" mostly likely to "be great by means of being misunderstood". Is this a blessing or a curse? Don't ask me how that happened or what it means. I have no idea. That's the whole point, I guess. Am I confusing you yet? Also, I have been complaining a lot about how bored I am. um, I think I am bored. I mean I had NOT really been thinking about it until I realized that about every ten minutes I was exclaiming (usually out loud), "god! I'm bored!" I guess its just finally sinking in. So, I can't think of anything to do. Well actually I have a million ideas about what I could/should do and in fact, every time I mention how bored I am to friend they give me a dozen new ideas and I just kinda knock them down or write it off with some lame excuse: "no, mom would kill me", "expensive!", "to much like work", "my doctor wont prescribe me any more of that", but most frequently its just a shrug of the shoulders and an ineffectual, "eh". Its just that nothing holds any appeal anymore. Nothing packs the same old punch. Everything is missing its flavor. I have lost my goddamn joie de vivre. What's to be done about this? Its a phase, of that I am sure. This will pass, but until then I find myself asking the same painful question over and over, "what am I going to do tonight?" eh, there's always porn.

7/25/00 It's now official. I checked my logs. The second most used word/phrase at search engines which yields a link to chokingpear.com (the first being "edward gorey") is "shiteater". Why do I find that slightly depressing? I mean, I also find it hilarious, but somehow sort of sad. sigh. I started reading some botany books. Essays as well as field guides and such. Really beautiful and intense stuff. I am now wandering around compulsively attempting to classify trees based on their leaves and twigs. Alternate or opposite? Simple or compound? It's not as easy as you would think. Most seem to be all of the above. Does that mean they are whorled? I don't even have the dimmest of clues. sigh again. This all stems from my desire to want to learn the trees and birds I see in my neighborhood (eventually the wild flowers, but I think that's gonna be the hardest so I think that will happen last... perhaps never). The inspiration comes from my sister and my mom who can easily identify just about any green or feathered thing they lay their eyes on. I am in awe of their ability. I am jealous. Am I capable? sure. I just need some discipline. Which by the way I have none of. Like a typical gemini, I have an attention span that lasts about as long as it takes me to utter the words "attention span" triple sigh. Last night my brother and I watched a Nature special on orchids. so complex so sexy so intelligent. The flowers that is, not the show itself. I am convinced that they are from another planet. Just like that hickory horned devil my dad found years ago. (I am still honored that I got to play with one of the largest caterpillars of north america.) I'm just a really big geek, aren't I?

7/19/00 More fun with users: I was directed by one of our clients to his "joke of the day" page. Mind you, this is the same guy I had to ask 6/02/00's billion dollar question, so I knew from the start that this wasn't gonna be any good. "You should check it out everyday." he says, "They are usually pretty great" Q: How do you know you have a high sperm count? A: Your girlfriend chews before swallowing. I am still trying to figure out how he thought that would be appropriate. I guess he just thought it was REALLY funny.

7/18/00 This from a user: Super! Thank you very very very very much! I love you for this! So in addition to Jesus loving me, Stefan the user loves me. Is there no end to the joy?! Speaking of joy, Matt made me diner the other night and I gotta tell you, if you ever have a chance to partake of a meal prepared by my housemate Matt, eat it. Saw the X-Men last night and aside from having a big stupid crush on Wolverine, I have decided that I want to be a superhero. I have been tossing this around in my head ever since I started reading comic books, but the movie clinched it. All I need now is a superpower and a catchy name. Some may say that "Mars" IS a good name for a superhero. If that is the case then all I can think is how my super power should be limply tossing candy bars at my advisories, foiling their evil schemes with my own deliciousness. As if I don't do that already.

7/16/00 Ben's show was so good and he sold most everything so I am tremendously happy for him. After the show, Mary and I joined a bunch of folk at the 700 club. Ben, Max, and Alex were spinning and all was well. Wait, all except for that fist fight. Ok, can I take a moment to ask that the fuck is up? I briefly mentioned this the other day, but let is officially be know that within ONE week I have witnessed or been in close proximity to 5, count them FIVE fights. Let me restate my question: what the fuck is up? the heat? the full moon? the republican national convention? What the hell has gotten into the people of Philadelphia? Somebody has got to answer for this crap cause if I see one more bloodied person I am gonna lose a lot of my faith in humankind. shit. I have been wondering if its me. Am I the causal factor? These fights seem to be everywhere I go. Right before me or behind me, or crashing on to the table right next me. Its like that episode of the x-files. (Speaking of which the guy who played the wrestler in that episode lives in my neighborhood, I have seen him on the trolley a bunch of times. I suspect that's the closest I will ever get to agent moulder. sigh) Anyway, I would like to ask everyone in Philadelphia to take a step back and think about what the fuck they are doing before they throw that first punch. Make it a personal favor to me... ok? I owe you one. The rest of my weekend has been very swell. Yesterday Mary and I had brunch at the white dog and later there was sushi, cheese and whiskey at Pine. yummy. today I am at work. oh and yes, my cat weights 17 pounds and does not have fleas OR rabies. RIGHT ON!

7/14/00 Today: Happy freakin Bastille day. blah blah blah. The french quarter is surprisingly bereft of bastille storming related activities. I am a little perplexed. I am a little disappointed. also still a little nauseated. Last night: Lexicon played. That was swell. After that, I headed back west for Melissa's official going away party. I mean the real one. cause now she is officially gone. on a plane. sigh. (In case there is any confusion, in this or past entries, I am not talking about myself. sheesh. This Melissa is however the lady I gave up my name for. There simply wasn't room enough for two Melissa Ann(e)s at Larchwood, thus I took the name Mars ...just a bit of history for you...) Have I mentioned she is going to grad school to study volcanos? That's right! She is! Soon I can say, "that's my friend the volcanologist!" I like that ring. Tonight: Ben Woodward's show at Specter and Marychen! Tomorrow: Rabbit has an adventure at the Vet!

7/12/00 oh, Acetaminophen Pseudoephedrine Hydrochloride, will you marry me? Actually, I am not getting as much relief as I need. My allergies have crossed the divide between grave annoyance and mild debilitation. I keep hearing that they say it's really bad this year, that most normal people are suffering a little bit more then usual. It's not like I a wish for the indiscriminate and unfortunate suffering or millions of people, but I damn well hope so, cause I don't what to believe this is all just me. I want to confess that despite my general sinus related discomfort, the weather has been so wonderful. I cant remember a more kind or pleasing summer. Of course its only mid July and meteorologicaly speaking there is plenty of time for things to go horribly horribly wrong. I gage June and July's clemency by my bedroom window's lack of an air conditioner. Though admittedly this is a testament not only to the season's good graces but also to my absolute dread of the prospect of lugging that 10 ton motherfucker out of my basement. Nonetheless, I have survived comfortably with a window fan (permanently stuck on high) and a spray bottle (the right amount of brita H2O and lavender oil) and also cold beer after cold beer and plenty of mind/body numbing narcotics (but, you know, I do that all year round. Keeps me cool in the summer and toasty in the winter!) anyway, kudos to you, July! I saw the strangest thing in the park today. A bunch of people with blindfolds and rope and buckets full of ping-pong balls. Some sort of corporate team training? Your guess is as good as mine.

7/11/00 Reader Poll (multiple choice / multiple correct answers) I just gave myself a hickey. I am ________. A) dumb B) lonely C) adventurous D) a tad eccentric E) gay F) certifiable G) bored just wondering.

7/10/00 I was three hours late for work today. I may complain about my job, but let it be known, I love my company. Tonight: Sugar Mom's Melissa leaves for New Mexico within 24 hours. guh.

7/09/00 This past week has been as blur of friends and farewells. It has been a strange and trying and wonderful time. Jess spent a full week at Hazel. Marychen came to visit. Becky was in town briefly. Melissa is preparing to leave for New Mexico. A weekend in review Friday (was first): I had the day off and frankly I have little remembrance of what transpired during the day... other then that fist fight... That night I went to Old City for Max and Joe's shows. Ran into all kinds of lovely people. Then space1026 for a really really good show. More lovely people. More fist fights. After the space, a slew of us went to the five spot where a bit of cautious name dropping got us free admission and drinks. The night ended in the wee hours at Hazel. Bean and Mary reminded me that my drug addled youth though excessive was for lack of a better term, a blast. I had forgotten. Saturday: lazy day. Food and drink and talk. In the evening I met Mike for Sunny Day Real Estate. Funny, realized that a good old fashioned rock show was exactly what my soul needed. totally pleasant. totally loud. totally enjoyable. Fell asleep to MST3k. Sunday: Again at the five spot, for the DIVINE Lavay Smith and her Red Hot Skillet Lickers. oh my, what a treat. That woman is so so so super fine. Again Tim pulls through and we have a reserved table and free food and drink all night. I am beginning to love the five spot.

7/04/00 Happy Birthday Leah.

7/2/00 Jess is home. I mean not home. Philly is not her home anymore, but I cant help but think of it like that. I am so glad she is here. Were gonna have fun. I had a rotten friday. I was all sick and what not. I had a mild migraine on thursday night. That was not so bad, but come friday I was still had vertigo. You know, it wasn't even that bad. I could stand, I could work, I could think, but after 8 hours of vague physical duress I was not pleased. In fact, I was so far from pleased that I found myself fully regressed back to the me of several years ago (complete with childish moping and temper tantrums... literally) not pretty. not becoming. anyhow, I am all over it now. The world is a brighter place today and I don't have to shade my eyes. So yeah, Jess is in town and I am looking forward to a week or great food, music, friends and all around goodness... and NO stupid brain shenanigans.

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